You were raised to new life
Text conversation: Delilah: Why won't you tell me the secret of your strength? Samson: Fine...it's my hair. Delilah: He says it's his hair. Can you guys shave it tonight? Delilah: Oops...meant to send that to someone else. Samson: No worries. ILY!
Eve's search history: do snakes talk? weird fruit poisonous? how to know if you're naked. best leaves for clothes. how painful is childbirth?
Me when I see "invite your friend to church."
When you realize the Armor of God doesn't have pants.
Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him... - Matthew 22:15
When the guitar solo goes too far.
Me calculating when my first cheat day will be.
Text: Herod: Did you find the baby yet? GPS: Rerouting.
Misheard Christmas lyrics: He’s making a list, of chicken and rice... Yet in thy dark streets China... Don we now our day of peril, fa la la la la... Joy to the world! The Lord has gum...
Thanksgiving Pie Chart
Jesus multiplying loaves of bread: This is how I roll.
How I feel when pastor asks a question from stage and I get it right
Me when someone grabs the donut I wanted.
Walking into church with an extra hour of sleep like...
How I watch commercials during scary movie season:
Before David cleared his search history: girl bathing on roof, Bathsheba, is Bathsheba single?, how to betray your friend
Disciples: We're hungry. Jesus: (Copy loaves and fish)
What gives people feelings of power. Money. Status. Being the first one to clap when Pastor's point was good.
Prophets. God: Hey, I need someone to go to Nineveh. Jonah, you down? Jonah left the conversation. God added Big Fish to the conversation.
Join us this week for Pumpkin Spice Communion!
When I'm most likely to get mad at fellow drivers. 35% On my way to work. 10% Heading to a restaurant. 100% Driving to church.
When a celebrity thanks God in their speech and you're trying to figure out if they're Christian.
There are three types of people in the world: 1. those who can count 2. those who can't
