Funny

The loudest sounds on Earth: Concert speakers. Fireworks. Gunfire. Blue whale. Space shuttle. Siri activating in the middle of the service.

I don't have a coffee problem. Also me: 8:30am. Drink coffee. 8:35am. Drink coffee.

Goliath: Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks? David: You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord. Goliath: I’ll give your flesh to the birds and the wild animals! Goliath's head has left the chat.

Solomon: If both women claim possession of the last donut, then the last donut shall be cut in half.

Noah's search history: Does Ikea sell arks? How much food does every animal in the world eat? water falling from sky. what is it? how to tell if land is dry

Chick-fil-a should be opened today.

The devil probably writes his emails using Comic Sans font. (Just saying.)

Teenagers to Fourth of July fireworks: OK boomer

4 horrible dad jokes: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? A: 10 tickles. What do you call an illegally parked frog? A: Toad. Q: Where do baby cats learn to swim? A: The kitty pool. Q: How do you organize a space party? A: You planet. What's your favorite dad joke?

The Old Testament summarized: God: Don't do this thing. His people: We won't. Two seconds later: So... we did the thing.

Before Pharaoh cleared his search history: - How to make foreign residents build pyramids. - What to do if your daughter finds a baby in the river. - Who is Moses? - How many plagues is a normal amount? - Red Sea tidal schedule

Me thinking I could ever be good enough to earn God's love.

That feeling when you're not sure your kids found all the eggs.