Bible character New Year's resolutions. Jonah: stay away from boats and open water this year. Eve: learn more about picking produce. Peter: be more loyal to friends. Goliath: stop bullying Israelites.

What do you call a shrimp who doesn't invite their friend to church? Shellfish.

Who would you choose as a roommate? Noah, but a steady stream of animals come through your house. Jonah, but he still smells like the inside of a fish. Eve, but she's always peer pressuring you. Ruth, but her mother-in-law lives with you.

The brain of a worshiper: raise hands. hope they do another bridge. clap. sing like no one's listening. drum on the seat in front of me. thank God.